About this time last year, I was worried. Really worried. My business was just a couple of months old, and I’d just started to charge “real” money for what my photography. Real as in something that’s able to pay the bills, contribute to my kids’ college fund, something the government could actually tax.
What if the new year comes and nobody wants me? What if I’m charging way too much? What if all the money I’ve spent will be gone to waste? What if I’m really no good at what I do? What if I can’t pay back the loans I’ve taken?
The year has come and gone, and I am happy to report that all my doubts and fears were for naught. JTPA has grown from strength to strength, sometimes really quickly, and sometimes excruciatingly slowly. There are still days where I lie in bed and stare up at my ceiling, wondering how the hell I am going to pay off the new lens I’d just impulsively purchased, much to the chagrin of my investor (aka husband) or to the disgust of my bookkeeper (you rock, Cynde!). Or how the hell I am to continue paying my bookkeeper (sorry, Cynde!).
Sadly, I am a person driven by paranoia. Paranoia makes me leap up and go. I am consumedand I end up working too hard and sleeping too little.
And yet here I am, typing this, feeling mighty good about myself. I am fulfilled. And perfectly fine with my paranoia and self-doubt and insecurities. Because in my life, this is the rubbish I throw into the furnace and out comes determination and drive, stuff I need to push myself just one more inch to NOT actualize my fears.
And of course, there’s my family. The people that’s not rubbish. The people I’m trying so hard not to screw up. And my fans and friends, also people I try very hard to please. And then there’s the work itself, the passion for which I never knew I had in all the years I’ve held a camera.
It really never is too late to reinvent yourself.
Happy Holidays, my friends. I wish you health, happiness and the courage to meet your very own exacting standards.
Love,
Jenn
Facebook comments:
Powered by Facebook Comments